THE BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON LIQUOR BOTTLES TO WARN DRINKERS ABOUT THE HAZARDS OF OVER-IMBIBING.

1.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

2.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

3.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to they shings like thish.

4.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

5.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

6.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)

7.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

8.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

9.  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you're invisible.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.